166 - Spam e-mails telling me I've won the lottery

So, let me ask you this. Have you ever received anything like this:

Good Day,

My name is Sir Jack Parkinson, I work with the UK Lottery. I am soliciting
your assistance for a swift transfer of 4,528,000 GBP, should you be
willing to assist me in this project, you will be giving me just 40% of
your winnings. Just as a brief, due to my position in the company I can
make it happen that you would be a winner of the above stated
amount.

Naturally, every body would like to play a lottery if they are assured of
winning. I am assuring you today to be a winner, please do not take for
granted this once in a life time opportunity as we both stand to
collectively gain from this at the success of the transaction. Should you
be willing to assist me in this transaction please do respond to my
secure e-mail: jack.parkinson1960@hotmail.co.uk

Regards,
Sir Jack Parkinson

What the Hell was 'Sir' Jack Parkinson even knighted for? Offering 60% of lottery winnings to strangers out of the goodness of his heart?

You know, I've probably won the lottery over a thousand times since I got my first e-mail address. I would be the richest man on Earth if all that junk mail was for real. I would have multiple mansions all over the world, I'd drive the big branded cars, I'd fly from place to place in a jet, I'd eat outrageously pricey caviar and drink expensive wine everyday, I'd start my own book publishing company, and my own school, and I would get the newest and the best clothes, the best computer models, the newest games, the VIP passes at concerts, the best medical care, the most impenetrable security to protect me, my family, and my property - to sum it all up, the most wonderful life.

But no, I don't really win the lottery that many times, not even once.

And that's why I hate these e-mails.