222 - Running into football posts

If someone were to ask me what was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life, the following story would be it. If someone were to ask me what was the stupidest thing I've ever seen anyone do in my entire life, this would be it. That is why it deserves a post here today - it is senseless, it is laughable, and it is totally ridiculata.

When I was in my second year of high school, we had a physical education class in the late afternoon, and as a warm-up exercise, the sports teacher told us to run around the football pitch three times. At that age, I wasn't so competitive yet, so I was always content just running in the middle of the pack. One of my close friends and I decided to maintain our place just behind all the sports and activity enthusiasts.

Jogging just a few steps ahead of us was a girl I was tragically infatuated with at the time. She was Australian-Chinese, brunette, sweet smile, fit body, funny, clever, charming, and beautiful. She was trotting along beside this other guy, an English dude who loved nothing more than football, sweets, and his clarinet. (Seriously, the box that he used to store his clarinet in had a sticker on it saying 'I <3 MY CLARINET'.)

This guy who had the sweet tooth... I forgot what he was saying exactly, but as we were doing our three laps, he was definitely trying to flirt with the girl of my dreams. I remember thinking to myself, as we rounded a corner of the football pitch, about what a twerp he was, and how he was polluting my very schoollife in every conceivable way.

And then, the most miraculous thing happened. He turned his head to ask my gal another question, and had no awareness at all of the football post that was fast approaching. For the tiniest fraction of time fathomable, I had the opportunity to call out his name and warn him about the pole he was about to collide with, but I refused to - the figurative devil stuck his pitchfork into my shoulder angel's heart - this guy was going down.

And in 3...

2...

1...

*CLUNK*

And I Laughed. My. Ass. Off.

His temple had come into contact with the football post, and he had fallen to the ground instantly. I continued laughing as I kept on running, my close friend running beside me was laughing, another friend jogging behind me laughed, and even the girl who was talking to this poor fella didn't stop to bat an eyelid - she continued to do her three laps of the field as she laughed as well.

My friend and I jumped to avoid trodding on him, we caught up with the girl and had a brief chat as we finished our third lap, and left our beloved clarinetist moaning, groaning, grumbling, and rubbing the side of his head, like any guy who had just run into a football post would do. I bet there was a real ringing in his ears at the time, stars spinning over his head. To me, that was pure magic.

There is not one single time when I relive that moment and do not find it funny. The physical comedy does not wear off. If I go to Heaven, I bet God would grant me the option of viewing that scene ten thousand million times.

But let's face it, judging from this story, I'm probably going to Hell.

53 - Eating/having dandruff

Back in primary school, I had a classmate that would eat his own dandruff. He had an awful lot of it to indulge himself with and as a thoughtful young boy back in the day, I really had to convince myself to believe that eating dandruff was wrong. It's dangerous to have a kid with such a habit go to school with lots of other kids and have the other kids potentially see it and practice the bad habit themselves. It reminds me of Fat Bastard in Austin Powers: Goldfinger. It's horrible. It's like those horror stories you hear about people that eat their own boogers or suck on their own earwax. It's enough to make someone vomit. Yeuck.

I went to get a couple of injections about a year ago because I was going to Thailand and I didn't want to get malaria. As I sat in the lobby waiting for my name to be called up to signal me into the doctor's office, I noticed that the 20-something man sitting next to me had many, many white flakes all over his hair. What made it even worse was the fact that there was a fan in the room that moved from left to right and left again. Every time it pointed toward us, the man's dead skin would depart from his head and arrive on my lap. It took every little drop of willpower inside me to resist standing up dramatically, shouting at the guy to suggest he use some special shampoo or something, risk getting bitten by a malaria-containing mosquito and leave without getting my injection.

I take pride in having relatively clean hair. I used to wash it with three shampoos and two conditioners everyday because I had this whole germaphobe phase. It was quite troublesome and expensive to do that on a daily basis. Now, I wash it everyday with one shampoo and one conditioner. I changed my ways. Go me!

Anyway, having dandruff is something I really can't stand about some people. As for consuming it after it's fallen from one's head, I hate that with a much greater intensity. It's utterly revolting.

12 - Not knowing how to touch type

I feel like I've been losing my edge lately. I think I've been having a more positive outlook, a perspective where I'm not noticing many of the littler annoying things that exist out there. This has led me to write posts about very general problems such as gluttony and forgetfulness. Everyone talks too much at some point, everyone forgets some things, everyone gets greedy some times. So today, I thought I might focus on something a bit more specific.

This is another bad habit that I have, as we countdown the days 'til I stop displaying what a hypocrite I am. The habit is not typing the 'proper' way, the proper way being touch typing. This is where all ten fingers rest upon the keys on a keyboard. The main advantage of this method is your capability to keep your eyes on the screen at all times.

Now, obviously, I've taken lessons on how to type, and I can touch type, but I do it reeeeeeeeally slowly. I'm just used to my own system of 'use the finger that's most comfortable for me to use for each respective key'. I don't look at the keyboard, and I don't type slowly either. It's just the way I do it, and I do it well. I just wish I could do it the proper way though, but it's a difficult habit to get rid of.

I guess the thing about typing improperly that I hate is when people type slowly, because they're too busy looking down at the keyboard, up at the screen, back down at the keys, and back up the monitor, head down, head up, down, up, down, up... It's annoying to watch. And annoying to talk to someone online when you know they're being slow because of their improper typing methods.

It's even worse when people type slowly because they're using the proper method, since touch typing is meant to provide efficiency. I think you should just find the method that provides you with the best accuracy and speed. But then again, I wish I could touch type. I'm obsessive about having things done the right way for things like this that we do on a daily basis. I hate that I don't do it right. And I dislike seeing others that can't either.