It doesn't matter whether the experience feels good or not, it doesn't matter if the people you have around you are agreeable or inharmonious company - it just hurts, and it hurts bad, to stay in the same place, within the same conditions, it just aches, and it chews at your heart slowly, and it lingers in the back of your mind for the entire time, mercilessly, like the universe is laughing at you, mocking you, teasing you, and intentionally throwing more obstacles in your way to obstruct your path in life, like God is laughing at your mistakes and your poor decisions, telling a humorous anecdote at the Table of Heaven, the story of your life right at this moment, all the Cherubim, the Seraphim, the Ophanim, the Dominions, Strongholds, Powers, and Principalities, the Angels and the Archangels, all snickering at you, and chortling at your miserably mortal mind, throwing their fists on to La Tabella del Cielo, as they howl, Hahaha! Bad move there, Michael!, the rotten revelry that is your life, thriving on the fact that you still, to this day, are struggling like a fish brought out of water, trying to face the world with your pathetic excuse for courage.
Have you ever felt that helpless and inadequate - have you ever felt so unhappy with the cold, hard fact that you will never be able to achieve this, or that you will forever be unable to accomplish that? Have you ever felt the suffocating feeling of walls coming in on you as you try to push them apart? Have you ever felt like the last man standing, fighting against an entire army a hundred times stronger and well-equipped than you and the 5-inch-long dagger you'd much rather use to end your life with instead?
Today, I ask you the following, my readers. Have you ever in your life felt so vulnerable, so incompetent, so powerless, so feeble and forlorn, like you're up a creek without a paddle, so substandard, so sorry, so sad, so remarkably, strikingly stuck?
I hate this feeling I so depressingly describe right now, especially this depressingly so as it is New Year's Eve today. The only way I can face this is to step aside from the source of my distress, and attempt to retrieve the ratiocination that I have so dopily and dreamily displaced. Only by thinking logically, I can engage in active problem-solving - the conundrum is never a conundrum for very long once you get into the right mindset.
What do you think? How do you pull yourself out of the hardening cement? 'Cause I'd like to know.
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That will be all for 2009, my fellow haters. I raise my can of Sprite to 2010 in the hopes that you will raise whatever you're having with the same sentiments, that you, like me, are hoping for good tidings in the new year, academic and professional success, heart-filled times with your closest loved ones, and another chance to live your life individually, properly and happily.
Happy New Year, folks. If you're interested, I've written about my New Year resolution here.
And now, please tell me, do you hate feeling stuck too?
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