Friday, April 10, 2009

145 - When someone isn't close to their parents

We all feel lonely sometimes, even if we have a spouse, a sibling, or a large clique to hang out with. It's nice to have someone, or some people, who you can rely on, whenever you're feeling lonely - the kind of people that will answer your calls in the middle of the night if you need to talk, the ones that will always love you and care about you, the sort of person that won't mind accompanying you for dinner, even if it means they have to cancel other prior arrangements.

I'm lucky enough to have three of those people: my mother, my father, and my best friend.

They listen to me, they like me unconditionally, they have stuck by me for so many years. It hasn't been easy, no, not at all. My mother has kicked me out of my house, my father and I have had long periods in which we don't talk to each other for years, and my best friend has told me before that he hates me.

But the fact that these relationships have been maintained for so long, despite all the disagreements, is a testament to how strong these bonds really are.

I never understand how people can not be 'close' to their parents. I've tried to resist my relationships with my mom and my dad, in my iconoclastic, adolescent, rebellious spirit, but upon reflection, I honestly cannot help but be drawn to them. Still a teenager myself, I find it uneasy to say this, but people should make the effort to talk to family. I'm not going to cry out loud about my own domestic situation, but I know others with far worse-off conditions, and you know, they somehow function, and they function because the family communicates and works through their issues together.

Frankly, I hate hearing about people who "never really talk about stuff" with their parents because I find it rather sad. These people, like one of my older cousins for example, don't really know how to talk to their own kids either. It's a vicious cycle passed on from generation to generation...

But perhaps this familial flaw should be attributed more to the parents rather than the children. After all, when you're a kid, you just don't know any better. It's up to the parents to teach the kid that talking about "stuff" can be good. I say it's better than talking to a psychologist/counselor. I say it's better than withholding your emotions.

But meh, whatever floats your boat.


J.J. in L.A. said...

I don't have a 'close' relationship with my dad because he doesn't even try. I spent 3 hours talking to him about a back surgery I was going to have. He called me the very next day and asked, "So when are you having your ankle surgery?"

Uh, thanks for listening, dad...

Madame DeFarge said...

I didn't appreciate my parents for many years, certainly not through my teens and maybe not even in my early 20s. It was a a bit of struggle on some things, because they don't talk 'about stuff' and at times all I wanted was them to understand how miserable I felt about relationships and work and life. It's better now, but there's lots I still wouldn't say to them.

Jacynta said...

I'm 17 and I talk to my parents a fair bit.
We laugh and joke and all that. I don't really talk about 'serious' things with my Dad, but every now and then I'll have a good, proper conversation with my Mum.

I love them both and feel incredibly lucky to have such good parents.

Michael said...

J.J.: I guess the flip-side of this is how annoying people can be when they're overdependent on their parents, or constantly tell you that they have great relationships with their mom and dad. In fact, those people are more annoying to me than this, so I would be okay if my parents and I lost our connection once I move out of Hong Kong.

Madame DeFarge: I guess it's the way it should be, you can't always tell them everything. People annoy me when they try to act tough by saying they're not close with them, or when they have perfectly good families (a house, double income, happy marriage), but just lack the communication. For generations, the whole bloodline will never learn how to talk to their kids and vice versa.

Jacynta: I'm really glad to hear that. :)

rawcogs said...

Yeah, but it can be well hard to suddenly talk about this "stuff" when you never did before. Personally, i talk alot with my dad, i love him from the deep bottom of my heart. I don't get along with my mam. I think, that if she was my age, she would be one of those girls i want to punch in the face. My dad says we're too much the same, that's why we never stop fighting, mam says i'm just the same as my dad, "untalktative" and "closed". She just thinks that because i don't enjoy talking to her. I do talk alot, really. And oh what, i'll make this into an article in ma blog later instead of crying here! But nice blog man, i'll be reading more.

Michael said...

rawcogs: I'll come over and read it. I think that it's just nice to have family there to talk to their kids. It's the fault of the parents if their kids are missing that part of their experience.