79 - School noises

I hate the chair noises that create this huge ruckus at the beginning of class when everyone pulls the chairs out from under the desks to sit down, followed by the most annoying fuss at the end of the lesson when everybody gets up again and tucks in said chairs.

I hate the paper noises that rip my eardrums whenever we have to turn the page of the same book or the same bunch of worksheets. Reading through a newspaper generates this annoyance too.

I hate locker noises the most. (1) When people either drop their bag on to the floor so they can get to their locker, (2) hurl it on to the top of the lockers with a massive thud, (3) or violently knee the lockers to balance their bag on their thigh, (4) then unlock their padlocks without the slightest bit of grace, (5) open the locker excessively so that it recoils after reaching its limit with a clunk, (6) ruffle through paper, (7) and lift books up only to drop them again, (8) slam the locker door, (9) fiddle with getting the lock back on again, (10) in addition to any talking, (11) (12) whistling, (13) humming, (14) singing, (15) sneezing, (16) coughing, (17) clearing of the throat, (18) burping, (19) farting, (20) screaming, (21) shouting, (22) laughing, (23) yawning, (24) sniffing, (25) sighing and/or (26) breathing heavily that may occur during their visit to their locker.

Oh, and any teachers in high heels who may pass by.

77 - Buttcrack showing

Do girls think it's enticing to reveal their crack? I wouldn't think so because that's where poo comes from. (<--- Words of wisdom, ladies and gentlemen). I see this occurring less now, however, the past is not hard to beat as I remember there used to be a time where I would be sitting at the back of the classroom, only to find, literally, seven girls' asscracks exhibited in the front row. Sometimes, I would think to myself, This is unreal, man.

I've actually had my own asscrack showing accidentally one time. I basically had just changed out of my sports shorts and into my jeans and rather unwisely didn't think my jeans were that low. I hadn't invested in a belt and the weight of my jeans brought my boxer shorts with them as I squatted to get my books out of my locker, and yeah, it was pretty embarrassing to have people laugh at me from behind.

Anyway, so let me tell you a story.

There are two girls in my class and they are twins. For confidentiality's sake, instead of using their real names, we'll call them Torey and Tess. Out of all the girls in my class, Torey and Tess would always be the ones with their buttcracks showing. It happened whenever they squatted to reach for things inside their locker, whenever they sat down on a chair, whenever they just stood there, in fact. They would often be the laughing stock of the other more sophisticated and careful girls, and since I have a keen eye, I often shared a laugh with the other girls whenever we caught sight of Torey and Tess' unmentionable crevices.

So, one day, it's a Tuesday and we've all just finished lunch. We go down to the lockers and everybody grabs their bag and their books and heads off to wait outside the next classroom. I hear the laughing, so I look toward the twins' lockers and sure enough, there was Torey, kneeling at her locker with her asscrack showing ever-so-openly. At that moment, I felt sort of sorry for Torey and her sister always being ridiculed, so I decided to be a good and mature Samaritan and just tell her that perhaps she could do with a little pulling up of the pants every now and then.

Oh, Michael...

I walked up to Torey slowly and knelt down beside her quietly and gently.

She had her head turned away from me so I took a few seconds to gather my thoughts: Torey? There's something I feel you should know...

I was ready to inform her, so I tapped her on the shoulder.

"Torey?"

And you know what she said to me?





"Uh, I'm not Torey... I'm Tess."