Thursday, October 8, 2009

175 - When someone criticizes you behind your back

It has come to light that I have made somebody uncomfortable on my blog by writing about them. I took a minor incident in which they did something that upset me, and I wrote about them as if I was generalizing their entire personality on the basis of their misunderstood intentions.

I've gotten to know a lot of you bloggers out there in my time writing here, and it has been interesting to observe how some of us allow our real-life family and friends to read our blog, and how some of us prefer keeping it a little secret to ourselves.

I want this to be an open blog, an honest medium in which anybody out there, whether they know me or not, can get to know the kind of person I am, and read about what I find annoying. It has helped my parents to understand what's going on through my head, to get to know the kind of person their child has become, without having a weird, awkward conversation, because with them divorced, and all three of us being very... interesting characters - it does get very awkward.

My friends get to know that as well, and they understand that it's difficult sometimes for me to say what I really feel, because I am afraid of that exactly - being judged, being called arrogant or hateful or short-tempered.

But this is how I am. I am arrogant and hateful and short-tempered.

But blogging helps it. Blogging here has made me more tolerant after I shut down my computer and walk out the door in the morning. I blog about it, and in real-life, my hurtful feelings towards others are all gone because I've let them all out of my system.

Last year, on the 28th of October, I said from the very beginning that I do not mean to offend anybody, or make anybody uncomfortable. If you know me at all, I rave about something, and as quickly as the thoughts came, the thoughts also escape my mind just like that. I'm not a person to hold a grudge, or obsess over what other people say about me, that's just the kind of person that I am. I'm pretty immune and insensitive to criticism, insults, or downgrading of my character.

But it's terrible that I have been insensitive to what another person felt. I have downgraded their character.

I suppose a lot more care into who or what I write about must be taken, even if it is meant to be honest.

I remember several years ago when I got pretty upset at the fact that people talked behind my back. I guess over the years, I've just grown to ignore such smack.

I think I've gotten carried away, forgetting that others are kinder and sweeter than that, and don't need to form that protective bubble, because they shouldn't have to with their good heart.

I don't mean to be mean here. Ranting about things - I've been told - is funny, and I thought I could use this to master the art of writing, while at the same time, entertain other people, and engage in conversation about our many pet peeves. I surely do not mean to upset anyone, it's all just fun and writing.

What do you think? Has anyone in your real life gotten upset by your talking about them on your blog? For those of you who keep your blog a secret - is it because you're afraid of such conflict arising?


plentymorefishoutofwater said...

I'm feeling your pain mate. The other day a girl I'd written about on my dating disasters blog emailed me having discovered herself in writing...she was not best happy. Thing is, she knew I wrote a blog before she went on a date. So fair's fair, I reckon.

Marcy said...

Well... I write mainly about my kids. My daughter got mad about one post she read but for the most part she's ok with it -- for now. Aside from my husband, I try to keep my immediate family off of the blog unless they are part of a story. And yes, I do this to avoid conflict with my family members.

J.J. in L.A. said...

I keep my blog private because there's already enough family drama. I don't need anyone breathing down my neck, wondering what I'm going to write next.

Kate said...

Mine probabaly would if they knew I was writing about them. I am less than complimentary about my boss!

Kate x

Louise said...

I have. And it was like, the worst ever. It was last year, high school, when my blog wasn't yet known to some nomad bloggers nor to my friends. I was tasked to write an letter-slash-article about a fight that has happened between our school and another's students. It wasn't the permanent final document and I knew wasn't the one to be sent to the other school's administration so I thought it would be nice to keep it as a remembrance of a small writing piece I've done in high school.
I didn't know how, but news of my piece flew to the opponent school and their students, especially the ones I wrote about in the paper, started insulting me on the comment section of my post. It was...a dismay. To think that they actually registered anonymous accounts to do such a thing.
I've been careful for the past few months now. I hope it won't happen again 'cause what has entailed to my blogging experience frightened every light of my high school days.

Keep up the nice posts! -Louise. :)

lifechick said...

My blog is secret to the people in my life not because I'm worried about conflict, but because I really don't want people I know knowing *this* much about my private life.

Eugene said...

Oh. I realized one important fact: that I'm blessed to have a 'secret' blogsite.

I would L-O-V-E to see my stats rolling, but then I would H-A-T-E to see people in real life buzzing around my beautiful blog telling me, 'Oh my God, Eugene, you wrote something NASTY right there! Bad.'

Or, 'Oh my God, you actually hate him!'

Or, 'Oh. My. God. PERIOD.'

Oh yeah, my blog's a secret 'cause people in real life ARE NOT JUST TOO INTERESTED to read my intelligent writings.


Maybe because I keep telling them that I HAVE A BLOG, but they thought I was telling a blasphemy. So there. A blog with LITTLE T0 NO REAL-LIFE AUDIENCES.

And, if there IS one, well, read the reactions above.

Douglas said...

I have to be careful. There are many things I could write in my blog that might be entertaining but could easily upset someone. Oddly, the only person whose first and last name I mentioned did write to me. A person out of my distant past. He did not seem upset.

missykimmy said...

I keep my blog a secret not because I'm afraid of conflicts, but there are things I like to keep to myself (and to people I don't know). I might come to the point where I talk about the people in my life on my blog and I don't want them knowing how I really feel about/towards them or what they did.

There are particuliar things that make us who we are and sharing them with everyone around us changes that. In my opinion.

Great blog. Visit mine sometimes. (:

Michael said...

plentymorefishoutofwater: I often ponder if it's even a good idea to tell people you have one - and how long it takes before it's okay to tell them to have one. The open honesty of some posts is enough to really piss a lot of people off, ain't it?

Marcy: Yikes. Daughter-mother blog argument must not be pleasant. Do you think there's anyone that actually finds it a good thing instead of getting pissed? This way, people know how you feel at least...

J.J.: I've been told that I believe more people are breathing behind my back than there actually exists. I hope so.

Kate: Okay, it seems quite clear that bosses cannot be linked to your blog. Hahaha.

Louise: That must have been rough. I can only imagine your pain. They're such cowards for using anonymous accounts, though. I don't supposed there was anything you could've done, though, right? Just suck it up, and blog some more about them. Haha.

lifechick: Right. Will have to check out what 'this' is in reference to. It's got to be juicy.
Eugene: Hahahahahahahahahaha.

Douglas: Oh, lucky you...

missykimmy: I shall, I shall. Thanks for stopping by. :)