119 - Hateful people

When I first created this blog, I was positively filled with ideas, since I found myself shaking my head in frustration whenever I came across any flaw that belonged to the individuals in society that just piss me and a lot of other people off everyday by simply existing because of how mind-numbingly stupid they are, how much slower and more painful they make our days, and how damn angry and lost they made me feel thanks to the fact that it is the people in society, today and everyday, that irk us on the streets, in our restaurants, at school and in the office, at home and everywhere else, but ironically, are also the same people, and the same society, that hold us responsible for being civil, polite and accepting around others.

Over the past four months, I have grown a little tired of this to be honest. I find that people aren't as annoying as I thought they were, and as I have more time to reflect on my own behavior now that I don't focus on that of others, I become aware of a lot of my own flaws.

And I think it's for my own good. I have flaws, a lot of them, and my time on this blog has shown me that other people aren't that bad, and from the mixed feedback I get, with comments like, "That doesn't bug me so much" or "I have grown used to this" or "I completely disagree with you on this one", I find that complaining about things like what I have complained about isn't necessary, and isn't necessarily humorous. I mean, being hateful is a pretty stupid, senseless, dim-witted, annoying, ridiculous, laughable and mindless thing to do, too, don't you think?

To my fans, don't worry, I'll still keep posting. I love doing it, for people's entertainment, for myself to vent. Trust me, I can find a lot of other pet peeves, superficial and serious, to rave about for another couple of years.

But one of the things I really hate is, in fact, being around people who are hateful. Someone once told me that this is the most ironic thing I could possibly talk about on my blog, but I think I've touched on it before, when I talk about people who disrespect others, people who are argumentative, people who hold grudges, because those are the various ways in which people can show/express their hate.

Undoubtedly, you've heard of the phrase 'everyone's a critic'.

But there's never a need to judge someone negatively (in their face or not). It's mean. It doesn't better anybody's day. And who are you to be so high and mighty, better and holier than everyone else?

I'm aware that I'm digging my own grave, planting my own crucifix, and paying for my own funeral.

But I'm just saying, I hate people who hate. I'm allowed to be a hypocrite on this.

...right?

100 - Holding grudges

It's my 100th post, people, and I am quite happy to profess that.

Today, I will be talking about people that hold grudges. Personally, I hate them, I hate them a lot. If I had to rank everything I've talked about so far, this would be in the top ten. In my life, there are four people who have a grudge against me. They hang up as soon as they hear my voice on the phone, they ignore me at school and in social arenas, they block me online and do not, under any circumstances, respond to your text messages, e-mails or even verbal communication. If you live far away from each other, and don't work with them everyday, it's highly likely that you won't ever see them again. If that's not the case, it's awkward whenever you're forced to be around each other.

This keeping-in-mind of who has a grudge on me wracks my brains painfully. It annoys me throughout the day if they're there right in front of me, refusing to acknowledge me in any way whatsoever. It gets on my nerves for years, wondering how what was once an okay relationship turned into a relationship I wish never sparked so that I wouldn't have to go through what I'm going through now.

The four people ignore me for different reasons, some valid, some not so much. In chronological order, those reasons are: homophobic, fed up with someone that lies as much as I do, I didn't take someone's serious insecurities seriously, and as for the last one, well, I don't really know.

For the first one, being homophobic perturbs me about people. The second one annoyed me and I ignored him, my bad. For the second and third ones, I said sorry, but they don't seem to care. For the fourth one, perhaps I shall talk about him a bit more on my other blog...

Whatever the problem is, though, getting the answers to why people were ignoring me was like pulling teeth out. I dislike that bit the most. I wish people would just talk, and tell me what is it about me that's bothering them. Honesty is always the best policy for me, even if it's ugly, even if it's hurtful.

It's no wonder I'm such an ass to so many people, doubly. On one hand, I'm the one going around criticizing people (even though I have the intention of helping them change for the better). On the second (but equally unsympathetic) hand, I'm also the one that will never change for the better because I have no idea what's wrong with me.