100 - Holding grudges

It's my 100th post, people, and I am quite happy to profess that.

Today, I will be talking about people that hold grudges. Personally, I hate them, I hate them a lot. If I had to rank everything I've talked about so far, this would be in the top ten. In my life, there are four people who have a grudge against me. They hang up as soon as they hear my voice on the phone, they ignore me at school and in social arenas, they block me online and do not, under any circumstances, respond to your text messages, e-mails or even verbal communication. If you live far away from each other, and don't work with them everyday, it's highly likely that you won't ever see them again. If that's not the case, it's awkward whenever you're forced to be around each other.

This keeping-in-mind of who has a grudge on me wracks my brains painfully. It annoys me throughout the day if they're there right in front of me, refusing to acknowledge me in any way whatsoever. It gets on my nerves for years, wondering how what was once an okay relationship turned into a relationship I wish never sparked so that I wouldn't have to go through what I'm going through now.

The four people ignore me for different reasons, some valid, some not so much. In chronological order, those reasons are: homophobic, fed up with someone that lies as much as I do, I didn't take someone's serious insecurities seriously, and as for the last one, well, I don't really know.

For the first one, being homophobic perturbs me about people. The second one annoyed me and I ignored him, my bad. For the second and third ones, I said sorry, but they don't seem to care. For the fourth one, perhaps I shall talk about him a bit more on my other blog...

Whatever the problem is, though, getting the answers to why people were ignoring me was like pulling teeth out. I dislike that bit the most. I wish people would just talk, and tell me what is it about me that's bothering them. Honesty is always the best policy for me, even if it's ugly, even if it's hurtful.

It's no wonder I'm such an ass to so many people, doubly. On one hand, I'm the one going around criticizing people (even though I have the intention of helping them change for the better). On the second (but equally unsympathetic) hand, I'm also the one that will never change for the better because I have no idea what's wrong with me.