Thursday, February 5, 2009

100 - Holding grudges

It's my 100th post, people, and I am quite happy to profess that.

Today, I will be talking about people that hold grudges. Personally, I hate them, I hate them a lot. If I had to rank everything I've talked about so far, this would be in the top ten. In my life, there are four people who have a grudge against me. They hang up as soon as they hear my voice on the phone, they ignore me at school and in social arenas, they block me online and do not, under any circumstances, respond to your text messages, e-mails or even verbal communication. If you live far away from each other, and don't work with them everyday, it's highly likely that you won't ever see them again. If that's not the case, it's awkward whenever you're forced to be around each other.

This keeping-in-mind of who has a grudge on me wracks my brains painfully. It annoys me throughout the day if they're there right in front of me, refusing to acknowledge me in any way whatsoever. It gets on my nerves for years, wondering how what was once an okay relationship turned into a relationship I wish never sparked so that I wouldn't have to go through what I'm going through now.

The four people ignore me for different reasons, some valid, some not so much. In chronological order, those reasons are: homophobic, fed up with someone that lies as much as I do, I didn't take someone's serious insecurities seriously, and as for the last one, well, I don't really know.

For the first one, being homophobic perturbs me about people. The second one annoyed me and I ignored him, my bad. For the second and third ones, I said sorry, but they don't seem to care. For the fourth one, perhaps I shall talk about him a bit more on my other blog...

Whatever the problem is, though, getting the answers to why people were ignoring me was like pulling teeth out. I dislike that bit the most. I wish people would just talk, and tell me what is it about me that's bothering them. Honesty is always the best policy for me, even if it's ugly, even if it's hurtful.

It's no wonder I'm such an ass to so many people, doubly. On one hand, I'm the one going around criticizing people (even though I have the intention of helping them change for the better). On the second (but equally unsympathetic) hand, I'm also the one that will never change for the better because I have no idea what's wrong with me.


b for bhisan said...

ah ! grudges = i cant hold them .. i am probably too naive ... and i rarely get angry at people... even if i am ... i m forgiving


so there is this guy who is in relationship with a girl 4 years older than him.. he is 18 and she is like 20 something and i didnt know until after i wrote a comment on his gfs blog that they looked" incest". which of course they did cuz they looked cute.. pfff

he somehow got offended by it and has been holding a grudge against me for that ... for maybe now 3 months still ....

i dont know how long he will be holding it but i care cause i like talking to his gf and it is very akward now...


JoJO a. said...

I've been holding a grudge on two people for ages and it's driving me MADD!
Problem is, I can't really tell these individuals that I don't breathe normally when they're around.
I hate one of them. I love the other. The two are married (you know what I'm talking about)..

Sometimes grudges will always be grudges... If they actually took the time to understand and ask why I felt that way about them, it'd be different.

I don't think they care...

Douglas said...

Life's too short to hold a grudge. I may not like someone, like my ex-wife, but I don't hold a grudge against her. I just ignore her existence. That's not a grudge, that's maintaining my sanity.

J.J. in L.A. said...

I'm usually a forgiving person. Usually. But I'm embracing 3 grudges. To forgive would be to get hurt...yet again.

2 are family members who know what they did but won't change (or apologize). I still talk to them (when I have to) but don't seek them out.

The 3rd person verbally abused me and I ended the "friendship". He lives in No. Cal. so it's not a problem. I'm sure he holds a grudge against me now because I sicced my man on him.

gaf85 said...

M, Regretfully I have held some grudges in my life. Some of them have resolved others have not. Time often gives us a different perspective.I keep waiting but life is too short. Sometimes letting go and moving on is all we can do.

Anonymous said...

Grudges. I hoped you never came to this in your blog. If there was one person in the world who was the epitome of grudge-holding, that would me. I don't forgive, or all. I can't help it, and to be honest do not want to stop. But mine are for good reason, mind...I don't hold grudges for bad reasons.

Anonymous said...

i'm a very forgiving person - at least that's what i believe.

but i don't forget. and sometimes i am also annoyed of myself. how can i change from being a grudge holder into a living saint?

i guess even though i tell people straight to the face what i hate about them, there are still wounds that even time cannot erase.


aimée said...

friends and relationships with different people come and go, if they're holding grudges about it it's definetly not worth thinking about. personally i wouldn't bother too much =D

Michael said...

b for bhisan: Oops, slip of the tongue. I hope your situation gets better.

JoJO a.: Well, as a victim of the Grudge, I seek out answers. It's actually good that you would like them to know, but really... life is short, people can only bond when it comes down to it. Don't waste the opportunity to be surrounded by good people and talk, communicate.

Douglas: I agree with your first sentence. You sound like my father after that.

J.J.: It seems like everybody holds a grudge. That's disturbing to me, it really is.

gaf85: There's something about 'letting go' that really, really irritates me. I'll blog about it some time, I'm sure.

Liz Sedai: I guess the one grudge I hold is against my father. I doubt my reasoning. I don't think grudges are good.

Chricel: Very true.

Aimée: Refer to what I said to gaf85.

Bunc said...

I agree with Douglas. What's the point of holding grudges? Just get your revenge and then forget all about it. Don't forget though that revenge is a dish best served cold.

Anonymous said...

Michael... they have the problem, not you.

besides, you die if you worry, you die if you don't worry... so why worry?


Anonymous said...

Great 100th post of things you hate, Michael! I completely agree. I think forgiveness is important (sometimes to my downfall) but sue me...I think life is too short to be angry.

As for those who have grudges against you, it sucks (I can sympathize). But at the end of the day, you have to learn to let it go because obviously those grudges stem from those individuals' personal insecurities/issues/whatever else (although easier said than done, I wish I could take my own advice!). I only have one person who has a grudge against me, I wish I could make it go away, but it probably never will.

Some people enjoy being miserable I think...

Also, cute new profile pic :) Its my second favorite to the kanye shades!