215 - Getting angry

I cannot count the number of times in my life I have ever gotten angry at someone else or a particular situation. Recently, I have come to realize, though, that people get angry an awful, awful lot, too often, and it has made me reflect upon my own character, and has made me strive to be more tolerable of other people's opinions and needs. It's hard to explain why we get angry so intensely and so often, but most of the time, those who experience anger say that the rage they feel inside is aroused by "what has happened to them", something that happens immediately before the anger experience that provokes the individual to lash out. Anger serves as a means of expressing hurt feelings to the people around us, to the source of the disturbance if applicable, and often carries the subtle and underlying intention of protecting oneself from further damage, and forgoing even more of one's psychological well-being. In our society today, we are too often afraid to admit we are hurt by external (or even internal) disturbances in our lives, so we use angry gestures and behavior to tell the world that we are in emotional pain, and we deserve other people's attention.

In most cases, we stop focusing on what others have "done to us" after we begin to see how our displeased behavior is affecting other people. Anger is a release, it's a way of stating the hurt we feel inside, and it's uncomfortable to be around, it's unsettling, uncontrolled and simply relentless. However, releasing bottled up emotions can be a critical step in achieving harmony with other people and one's own conscience. Anger aids in making the hurt person more self-aware of his own needs and wants, and spurs him on to take action to fight for what he wants, rather than letting the hurtful experience continue or come back.

Getting mad over superficial, petty things, I'm sure, is something that everybody gets irritated by. It's childish, and there's no need for blowing things out of proportion. If your problems were handled more calmly and less emotionally, then maybe other people could assist you more efficiently, and life could move on a lot quicker.

But the more I think about it, the more I feel that all anger is unnecessary - whether it is socially acceptable to be angry or not - even if a country were to bomb one's own nation, even if a serial killer were to choose a member of my family as their next victim, even if someone were to walk up to me while I'm having a drink at a bar and punch me in the face.

Because anger does nobody any good. Sure, people are jerks, and life is unfair, but let's just cut the big reactions and just get to the open discussion and forgiveness already. Anger distracts you, from the multitudinous things you have to do everyday, and from the actual problem at hand. Anger causes you to be irrational and do things you don't mean to. Getting mad doesn't help anyone. There are better ways to carry yourself.

So dial down the temper and let's just learn to calm down, 'cause I'm so tired of the shouting, stomping and the slamming of doors. Take a chill pill. Make peace, not war. Just relax.

208 - Overreacting

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I'm sure we all agree that our parents, our spouses, our children and our boyfriends and girlfriends are the biggest drama queens and kings in our lives. A while back, I blogged here about how my mother once found cigarettes in my desk drawer while I was out of the house. She was utterly upset by her nicotine discovery, and called me up to say that she would be taking these away from me. The fact that I had only smoked (half of) one didn't matter to her. She told me she didn't care if I went to another convenience store to purchase some. She was going to take that packet of cigarettes and that was the end of the story, according to her, as demonstrated by her hanging up the phone.

But not on my terms was that the end. I thought she had blown the whole thing in her mind way out of proportion, so I called her back to try to explain to her that I had only tried one cigarette and I didn't even like it. The dial tone rang and it rang and I tried again and again, each time I dialed, it was picked up by her voicemail service.

On the sixth or seventh time, there was no ringing sound - instead, it went straight to voicemail - and upon realizing that my mother had turned her phone off altogether to avoid more argument with me, in a compulsive fury, I raised my own mobile phone up high above my head, and smashed it on to the ground. Before I could even fathom what had just happened, battery, buttons, and bits of screen were scattered all over the ground in front of me.

Talk about overreacting.

People freak out about a great number of things, like lip piercings, and grades of B- or lower, and little boys who may or may not have drifted away in helium balloons.

Does this mean my daughter's having sex with her new boyfriend?
Does this mean we're all going to die in 2012?
The guy over there is sneezing and sniffing a lot, could he have swine flu?

Take the following story as a prime example of what I mean.

On December 19th, thanks to such social networking sites as Facebook and Twitter, over 200 people were able to gather beside a street in downtown Washington D.C. to have a friendly neighborhood snowball fight. As the snowball fight was well underway, a large maroon Hummer drove by the neighborhood, and members of the public decided to launch snowballs towards the vehicle.

It turned out that the driver of the car was a detective who, I guess, just wasn't liking the snow that day. He got out of his car holding a walkie-talkie in one hand, and waving a gun in the other.

Why on Earth would he take out his gun?


Apparently, it was because of the simple reality that he had been hit with snowballs.


I wonder if at any point he had considered throwing snowballs back at them instead of pointing a gun. Or considered throwing his phone at them. I also wonder what his mother was thinking when she heard about that.

168 - When people reckon I don't drink/smoke/dance with no good reason

The people at my work think it's funny when I drink, smoke and dance, because I don't do it at work. They saw me do all three for the first time a couple days ago when we all went out together. They just laughed, because the me at work is totally different from the me in a club.

I do drink, and I do smoke, and I do dance, when I feel like it. I simply choose not to, when I reject offers and invitations. Just because I don't drink six bottles of beer every night doesn't mean I can't hold my drink, and doesn't mean I'm some coward who listens to my mother's preachings on how alcohol causes damage to your liver. Just because I don't smoke three packs a day doesn't mean I don't know how to, it doesn't mean I care about the risks of lung cancer. And just because I don't bob my head, or tap my foot, to the beat of every upbeat song that's playing around me, doesn't mean I can't/don't/dislike to dance.

I drink and dance a lot. Everybody that really knows me, knows that. Judging by my appearance at work, where I am an employee, is not a fair assessment on the part of my colleagues. I'm there to work, not to pick up girls or anything, why the Hell would I dance, drink my body weight, or light up a cancer stick?

I guess my coming into work with a book in my hand every morning (and after every break) doesn't help my image much either. What kind of club-dancer reads in his spare time? What kind of person possesses a high threshold for alcohol, yet also knows the capital of Kyrgyzstan?

Well, how many people can even pronounce Kyrgyzstan, or point to it on a world map? (Or how about how many people there are that read during their lunch breaks nowadays?)

Bah, screw stereotypes, seriously.

Oh, but about smoking, I really don't smoke a lot. I have to really love you before I'll accept one from you. It's a weird thing, but smoking, for me, is like a special medium by which I can bond with other people, and um... if I don't take one from you, it means I don't want to bond with you over a smoke. I like the smoking, always do, but if I reject your offer, it means I don't like you.

94 - Self-proclaimed maturity

A definite sign of someone not being mature is when they start to get cocky and pompous, proclaiming to everyone around them that they are mature, the golden rule of thumb is: your maturity is for others to judge. Arrogance only negates the wisdom we once thought you had. You cannot say you're mature, and automatically make yourself mature, because if things worked that way, I'm King of the World.

You cannot say your ideas are more original and unique than others, you cannot tell people that you know more in life, none of us can treat her like she's just an inadequate female, you don't treat him like he's an equal, we are all just slaves to you, you think you're selfless but, again, that's not for you to judge, you believe you are kind, warm and caring, but that is for us, each and everyone of us to decide. They're your so-called 'qualities', we are the ones who call you so.

And just for your information, you are not the only one, you are not as original, experienced, adequate, open-minded, selfless or caring as you think you are, at least, in my eyes. It's for others to judge, so save it, you proud, stubborn boy.

83 - Looking angry when you read

Ever seen someone who looks absolutely infuriated when he/she reads?

It's extremely hilarious but it sure is unsettling sitting next to them when they have their eyes tightly screwed, their brow intensely crinkled, their lips pouting, their body temperature rising and their gaze so fierce you can almost visualize a red line of laser beam coming from their eyes and searing through the page. It's their special method of staying focused, but it makes me highly neurotic.

67 - "Chill"

It has occured to me that I haven't written a post for a week (since December 26th). It's because I wrote five days of posts in advance, used photos in the sixth one and a, you know, Youtube video for, you know, yesterday's post. So excuse me if my mind appears to not be set to writing mode. It's been a while.

Many times in the past sixty to seventy days, I have realized that I actually have a surplus of ideas for this blog. In some cases, these ideas were suggested to me from fellow bloggers and friends. In other cases, I just have a bad day where everybody irritates me. But I can only talk about one thing per day because that's what I promised myself.

Sometimes, I really have to let out this anger and rant about it in front of others. In serious cases, I will confront the person that's annoying me and tell them what is discomforting to me about the way they behave. They usually, of course, argue back. I then try to reason with them, and tell them my perspective in a way they might understand and empathize with. And then they will tell me to chill.

Right now, I can't think of anything more annoying to say to somebody that's angry than to tell them to simply: chill. Perhaps I know how you feel or an insincere apology come close, but chill, relax and dude, calm down have to be at the top of the list. It just angers me so much, more than whatever they annoyed me with in the beginning. The rage burns inside you and you want to explode or strangle the other person.

I understand that being chill is good. I like things natural, peaceful and simple too. But gosh, chill is the most ineffective and unhelpful thing to say to someone that's fuming mad and wants nothing more than to release their emotions. It's funny that it has the opposite effect. It's weak advice.

Another one is just let it go. I like to fix problems. I will argue with a person until the issue is resolved. I will not let it go until a resolution is formed. I will not chill or relax and float around with an unsolved problem on my back. It's peaceful, yes, but you have to work hard for your peace to make peace. You must make things resolute by exchanging opinions so as to formulate a conclusion which all parties involved can agree with. I will not settle for peace roused by ignorance and lack of initiative.

Gosh, I need to chill.

51 - When people know you're (getting) upset but don't show their sensitivity

(I don't know if I'm going to make sense. I'm pissed.) Today, I got really upset by one friend and tried to find consolation in four others. I still ended up arriving home utterly pissed off. I didn't want to be. I wanted to write about something happier today, but no. No, because I just had to get it out of my system. It's taken my six hours of playing online poker and watching television to finally wrap my head around why I hated what I hated today. This post's title is pretty self-explanatory. I hate it when people know you're (getting) upset but they don't seem to care.

At our school, we take a class called Theory of Knowledge (TOK), also known as epistemology, the study of knowledge. Much like in any other subject, but especially in TOK, we are required to define what we actually mean by the different words included in the essay question/topic. In other words, I need to tell you what I mean by the words in my title step-by-step, so that you can grasp onto the general idea considerably better.

That's exactly what I'll do with this post because I feel that there are many reasons behind today's problem depending on which part of the title you or I focus on. Here they are:

Let's start with the word 'people'. Usually, you feel like people are being insensitive to your feelings when you feel that those people are close to you. You trust them and care about them. Therefore, you expect them to be sensitive because you're sensitive toward them.

But that's just the problem. Expectations.

Expectations of receiving in return all that you've given them. But in reality, perhaps they don't care about you and/or they mightn't trust you. They may not feel like they're close to you. These people may not actually be sensitive toward you even if you expect them to be, even though you want them to be, even though you need them to be. The first part of this problem may be due to the fact that these 'people' whom you expect to care about you just aren't the 'people' you thought they were. They're not your friend or your close family. You've given them a big title like favorite aunt, most trustworthy, or best friend but they fail to live up to that title. Are these people really as good as you made them out to be?

Going back to the actual title, this is about getting upset. In my experience of knowing people, it's quite easy to spot when somebody is upset. They pout, they cry, they don't want to talk, they limit their social communication, they shake their head, they sigh, they stop smiling, they stop joking, their humor gets dry, et cetera...

The second part of today's annoyance is the fact that maybe these people in question are too unaware of other people's feelings. They don't hear the disappointment in your voice or they don't sense that your sarcasm is being used as a defense mechanism rather than as a comical tool. I always thought that I was pretty open with my emotions but when people continue to joke around, smile and laugh around me when I'm upset, I wonder to myself: "Am I obviously angry right now? Am I actually coming across as sad?" What do you do when the people around you can't tell how you're feeling even when you're displaying your emotions ever-so-openly? Doesn't it worry you that people can't tell by your facial expressions and your bodily mannerisms that you're upset whenever you are? Or is it just the fact that they're stupid?

Now, the final bit is what angered me the most. It builds upon Part 1 and Part 2, in that it sort of reinforces the fact that they're insensitive. Part 1 was that these people were insensitive because they didn't know they were meant to be sensitive since they didn't believe the relationship was tight. Part 2 was that they were insensitive because they were unaware that you were upset. Part 3 is a lot more annoying.

Part 3 shows that even when they are the right people, your best friends and your close family, and even though they can see you're upset, these intuitive people whom are close to you just don't show you that they know how you feel, that they care about how you feel, that they want to make you feel better or even acknowledge the fact that you're upset, even though they know.

If it's because they purposefully ignore your distress because they just can't be bothered to deal with that right now, then it's pointless in remaining close with them for any longer. You go to a person for consolation and just because that person is feeling happy, he/she feels that he/she can ignore your feelings lest he/she might become upset too.

There's also the possibility that people 'don't know how to deal with' you being upset. I can understand that. There are some people that I will never know what to say in front of but the thing that sets apart real friends and less loyal friends explicitly is whether or not they try to make you feel better. As long as I feel people are acknowledging that I'm upset, showing that they respect my feelings and care about them, I will always, always reciprocate and show that I can be sensitive for them too in their times of need.

I hate it when people never try to deal with problems, whether they're battles within oneself, conflicts with other people or disagreements between him/her and me. Sometimes, it's obvious to me that people care about me. They just choose not to. They choose to say they 'don't know what to say' because it's just easier. How lazy and uncommitted is that?

The general problem with people being insensitive when you're upset is the fact that it raises so many questions in your mind. Do they really not know that you're angry right now? Is it not obvious that you're upset? Do you appear stoic? Why don't they show some compassion? Do they actually feel empathy? Do they not want to because it's just difficult? Does this actually seem fair to them?

Do they expect you to do all the work in this relationship while they sit on your coattail? Why even bother with him/her, even when you're happy, or even when they're the ones that are upset? Are these the right people you should be expecting to care about you? Do you really need anybody to care about you?

I hope I've demonstrated that coming across as being insensitive is a dangerous thing to do. It confuses people, makes them worry, scares them even.

When people know you're upset but come across as if they don't care, do you hate it too?

13 - Losing one's temper and being childish about it

A seriously bad habit of mine is my tendency to lose my temper easily, otherwise known as flipping my lid, throwing a fit, hitting the roof/ceiling, flying off the handle (what?), going mad, flipping my wig, blowing a fuse, having kittens (huh?), blowing my stack (...whatever that means), 'combusting', going ballistic, going crackers, going bananas and being driven up the wall.

The word 'temper' comes from the Latin word, temperare, and it used to refer to the balance of certain elements within a mixture that would soon be 'tempered' into metal. People later used the word to refer to mental balance, and when one loses that balance, they are said to have 'lost their temper'.

I guess it's not the getting angry part that I dislike. What I dislike is the childish behavior that comes with it. I'm talking about the long, quick, dramatic strides while walking around, the loud slamming of the door, the exaggerated heavy breathing accompanied by larger nostrils, the obvious glares one sends towards the guilty party, the pounding of books, canteen trays, coffee mugs, pencil cases and other items upon the table, the refusal to speak, the crossing of arms and just the general temperament that radiates one, single message to everyone around you: I'm f***ing pissed, living in my world SUCKS, I'll make YOUR world suck, by SLAMMING doors and POUNDING books on the table, so that YOU can have a taste of the suckiness I'M experiencing.

All of that is really immature, don't you think?

I remember I had this one birthday, where I got this cool, new watch as a present. I was trying to put it on myself, but then my grandmother offered to put it on for me. She took the watch right out of my hands, and started to help me, but I just lost it completely. My independence must've been a big deal, even then, 'cause I threatened to step hard on to her foot if she attempted to help me a second time. My mother made that mistake, I slammed my foot onto hers and stormed out of the house crying. Crazy stuff.

I guess if you do get mad, you need to have good reason. I remember there was one occasion where I was trying to throw a paper CD case to my friend. It ended up hitting a girl in the face and she got really mad at me for... a day or so. I apologized on the spot, but she still had good reason to be angry for a while. And I know she reads this blog. Sorry again!

When you win a game, you still get your sore losers though, and at school/work, you get the rebellious classmates/co-workers that don't get treated 'fairly'. Oh, and when people do any of the things that I've discussed in this blog, I can get quite irritated if my mind dwells on it for too long. When things don't go our way or when they irritate us, handling it is quite a test of patience, tolerance and character. I lose my temper a lot and it does get quite awful at times.

What do you think? Do you hate it too?