Tuesday, November 24, 2009
In the past week or so, a lot of people have been coming to me with their problems. These people are close friends, as well as people whom I've only known for about two months. I like how they trust me enough to tell me such things, it makes me feel really good inside, very mature, very responsible, and very helpful, to take some of that burden off their tired shoulders.
Somewhere along the way, though, I feel like I'm losing my voice in a lot of contexts. I can talk openly in front of my best friends, but with the people I've just come to meet here in university, I feel like they don't care about me. All they seem to want is my feedback, and when talking to them, it's not like I can interject and steer the focus on to one of my own problems. That is bad social etiquette.
I've had a few personal things come up in the past week or so. I've discovered a new hobby. I got really homesick during the weekend. I decided to have a Star Wars marathon, because I've never seen any of the films before. (I'm about to finish watching Revenge of the Sith. Exciting stuff.) And as most of you probably know already, I managed to bring my blogging career one step further last week. And I also went to the university medical center yesterday. (Mom, don't worry too much. I'll tell you about it when you come online.)
But nobody knows about any of that. Nobody cares about that. Nobody wants to hear about that.
I find it so funny how I've dealt with a lot of things by myself while being at university, with nobody's aid whatsoever. I find it interesting how people have only come to me with their problems, expecting me to always lend a helping hand or to advise them. Even the superficial, everyday things that I listed above, aren't of any interest to anyone here. How am I supposed to build new relationships with people, how am I supposed to trust them in our work, outside our work, or in our living situation, when they don't know anything about me?
(If you're one of those people in my real-life that feels that I'm talking to you, please don't assume it is just yet. The truth is, after I publish this entry, I'm going to feel much better, and a lot more forgiving of whoever it is I'm directing this at. I'm always there to listen to you, to want to listen to you, and I know how easy it can be to get too caught up in your own matters. We've all been there and I'm just frustrated. Trust me when I say my mood will improve the next time I speak to you. This is just one of my down moments that I'm trying to get over.)
This is why I am so amazed by people's kindness. To be supportive of me and to listen to me is truly touching. I had a friend send me a box of cookies and well-thought-out letters all the way from America. I was so surprised at the length she went to to send me those things. I am blessed to have a handful of friends who will always listen to me when I'm feeling down. I am so blessed to have them care about my well-being, about my troubles, and about my opinion. I hope this post makes you readers reflect on what you've done for other people in the past few days. I hope all of you can be proud of what you do today, this week, out of the goodness of your heart.
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