Monday, January 12, 2009

77 - Buttcrack showing

Do girls think it's enticing to reveal their crack? I wouldn't think so because that's where poo comes from. (<--- Words of wisdom, ladies and gentlemen). I see this occurring less now, however, the past is not hard to beat as I remember there used to be a time where I would be sitting at the back of the classroom, only to find, literally, seven girls' asscracks exhibited in the front row. Sometimes, I would think to myself, This is unreal, man.

I've actually had my own asscrack showing accidentally one time. I basically had just changed out of my sports shorts and into my jeans and rather unwisely didn't think my jeans were that low. I hadn't invested in a belt and the weight of my jeans brought my boxer shorts with them as I squatted to get my books out of my locker, and yeah, it was pretty embarrassing to have people laugh at me from behind.

Anyway, so let me tell you a story.

There are two girls in my class and they are twins. For confidentiality's sake, instead of using their real names, we'll call them Torey and Tess. Out of all the girls in my class, Torey and Tess would always be the ones with their buttcracks showing. It happened whenever they squatted to reach for things inside their locker, whenever they sat down on a chair, whenever they just stood there, in fact. They would often be the laughing stock of the other more sophisticated and careful girls, and since I have a keen eye, I often shared a laugh with the other girls whenever we caught sight of Torey and Tess' unmentionable crevices.

So, one day, it's a Tuesday and we've all just finished lunch. We go down to the lockers and everybody grabs their bag and their books and heads off to wait outside the next classroom. I hear the laughing, so I look toward the twins' lockers and sure enough, there was Torey, kneeling at her locker with her asscrack showing ever-so-openly. At that moment, I felt sort of sorry for Torey and her sister always being ridiculed, so I decided to be a good and mature Samaritan and just tell her that perhaps she could do with a little pulling up of the pants every now and then.

Oh, Michael...

I walked up to Torey slowly and knelt down beside her quietly and gently.

She had her head turned away from me so I took a few seconds to gather my thoughts: Torey? There's something I feel you should know...

I was ready to inform her, so I tapped her on the shoulder.

"Torey?"

And you know what she said to me?





"Uh, I'm not Torey... I'm Tess."

22 comments:

JoJO a. said...

Hahaha wow! First, I have to say that I know some people (mostly guys) who seem to enjoy exhibiting their Grand Canyon.
Not cool!
What happened after she told you that? There must be a dramatic end to this story!

Vivienne said...

i hate the buttcrack thing as well, also hate it when girls have their thongs halfway up their backs - i mean how far do you need to pull them up?

haha, did you tell tess in the end?

Everyday Housewife said...

Oh, Michael, did you manage to tell Torey or Tess in the end? Sometimes, I do wish that the young would take a good hard look in the mirror before stepping out of the house. Btw, I am waiting for your take on the fashion of HK's aging movie stars.

Cat said...

I'm sure you'll be shocked to learn that not only do SOME people like seeing the poo crevice...but some people actually...you know, stick stuff in there! Crazy world, I know.

Randa said...

That was quite an amusing story, I must say. I'm always conscious of my back side for this specific reason. It's just . . . ew.

What I also hate is when girls wear leggings and then t-shirts so you get to see their jiggly bums as you're walking up the stairs behind them or come what you may. Yeah, it sucks.

But the story . . . it just made me laugh. Some humor that's well needed in the middle of a very boring bio lesson.

Comic Superzero said...

Hahaha That's amazing. I have twins that I'm friends with. I don't have any problem telling them apart, but I do quite often have problems remembering what events took place with each brother. Like, I won't remember which one I had over a few days ago, or which one I was with when I beat a video game, etc.

They don't get offended, thank god.

Liz Sedai said...

I don't usually "lol," but I have too...LOL! Funny story, eh?
I hate that too, but most of the guys at my school enjoy looking at the girls...so you ARE a gentleman!

eC said...

cracks, boxers, thongs... seriously, no one needs to see anything that either is attached to or touching the butt directly.

Funny story though, did you ever tell the twins the truth?

I wonder if either twin noticed that the other's crack was showing...

Marcy said...

Just say no to crack!

My seven year old has this problem but it's because of the way jeans are cut. I try to find her long tshirts to wear with them because I know she'll bend over and it's plumber's butt.

Louise said...

I hate it when people show off their kaluluwa, spirit (term used for should-be covered skin). It's so... Indecent. And disgusting.

Boys often wear their jeans low 'coz they think it's cool and arousing to girls. Blagh! Get a life.

It's a good thing that girls here just have their undies shown and not their buttcracks. When I see a girl with her buttcrack exposed I often think, Do they really wear panties?

~So what's next to your story? Did you tell Tess?

Tc! .Louise

Argentum Vulgaris said...

Marcy, LOL @ Plumber's Butt... That's so right.

AV
http://netherregionoftheearthii.blogspot.com/
http://tomusarcanum.blogspot.com/

Louise said...

I think it's truly nice of you to tell Tess. You're such a gentleman... I like that about you. I mostly see guys these days as dim-witted, arrogant jerks who just don't respect people... Even if they're girls.

~I knew you were Filipino. Well... half.
.Louise :]

Michael said...

Jo JO a.: First, that's not very attractive on a guy, no matter how handsome or fit they are.

Vivienne: Thongs are inexplicably disgusting.

Everyday Housewife: I will check out your piece soon.

Cat: What 'stuff' exactly?

Randa: Hahaha, 'jiggly' bums. I'm glad my tendency to get into awkward situations amuses you.

Phil: Luckily, the twins in my class are quite similar in terms of what they think and do, so I don't have the problem you have since they both attend everything. The thing that's least similar is probably the way they look, as they are nonidentical, and I rarely get it wrong, but I did for that one time. Really embarrassing.

Liz Sedai: Cool. LOL.

eC: Hahaha, I think so. That took place about two years ago and it's stopped now, so one or both of them began to take noticed.

Marcy: Ew, did you have to use 'plumber's butt'?

Louise: Also sometimes, girls are hairy. We have one guy who likes to pull on girls' scarves and squeeze their cheeks. It's amusing, but we're all cool with it and each other, girls, me and the like.

AV: Ew.

Michael said...

Everyone, you will all be glad to know that I did not address the issue ever again. After I got the twins mixed up, I said, "Oops, sorry. Uh, never mind." and walked away.

I've only ever gotten their names wrong twice and that time was one of them. They are very distinguishable and both friends of mine.

Since the incident, though, I have been telling this funny story to all my classmates. Eventually, the twins must have received word and I haven't seen their cracks in years.

And sorry for leaving the story like that, but that was the punchline. I couldn't do a post on "Mixing up twins" because that would ruin the end of the joke, but there you have it. Thanks all for your comments and I'm glad I was able to make you laugh.

Chris O said...

The only allowable buttcrack showing is a plumber. You are just so greatful for the service he is doing, you allow it. Of course it may be a ploy to get you to leave the area so he can take his time and over charge you.

My son-in-law is a plumber, he has no butt so his pants always hang too low. But for work he takes pity on the world and wears overalls.

Next time you see buttcrack, you should drop spare change down it or maybe place a flower there. Make it have a use.

Ares said...

I remember a new classmate last year. I was constantly reminding her about her panties/buttcrack (panties or direct butt sight - they both irk me)showing off oftentimes. I thought I was being friendly, until she finally puts me off with an annoyed face, saying, "Stop minding it."

I hate it when people show their buttcracks on purpose.

J.J. in L.A. said...

I thought this was going to be about a repairman bending over. Good one!

Having 5 brothers, I'm used to buttcrack but what made me go "Ick!" was when a female cousin leaned forward at a family gathering. Her thong was jammed right up in there. I saw a little more than I needed too! lol!

gaf85 said...

Very funny story. I enjoyed the ending.I do not consider butt cracks very sexy. I guess you could always look away.

Toivoa ja Elämän said...

yuck. hate it too >=|

Michael said...

Chris O: I read your comment at school and your final bit made me laugh out loud in the library. Funny stuff and sage advice.

Ares: Oh, they're just being too slutty at too small an age.

J.J.: I have yet to experience my first sight of a thong. Oh, no, wait a minute, I have seen one. And, uh, yeah, it's... Mmm...

gaf85: Oh, you know I won't look away. Without looking, I wouldn't have my blog. :)

Larissa: >=|

Anita Helena said...

LOL! Great story!

I see butt crack on average at least a dozen times a day, I live in Cali and low rise apparently is the only way to go.

I wear low rise but I securely belt them on to minimize crack showage...seriously we need regular waste pants to come back into style. The sooner, the better.

Low rise doesn't do too much positive for muffin tops either!

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