Monday, January 26, 2009

91 - Having to reach into the tissue box for a tissue

Your nose is running, ketchup has accidentally dripped on to your jeans, your baby cousin's mouth is covered in chocolate and you go to the tissue box for a tissue, but somebody, some imbecile that shares your tissue box, removed a tissue for his/her usage, with no tissue sticking out of the box for you to use. You have to set the box down, shove your fingers through the thin plastic cervix of a seal, possibly scrape your hand on the teethed sides of the slot (teethed because of the way the box is designed before you open them for usage), then wiggle your fingers around until you make contact with a tissue, use the tips of any two fingers to clamp on to one tissue, and pull it out with all your might.

Okay, maybe not all your might. But sometimes, you grab more than you need because you dug your fingers too deep into the pile of tissues in the box. Sometimes, you get less than you need because your sharp nails have ripped the damn thing. Whatever the case, the tissue is bound to be creased, and your application of the tissue is less pleasing since it isn't smooth anymore like a normal tissue. The side of your hand is just a teensy weensy bit sore from the side of the slot scratching you and without even realizing it, you've wasted a few seconds of your life dealing with this particular situation.

Do you know how many seconds altogether we have all wasted on this problem?

When you pull out a tissue, make sure there's one that's sticking out for someone else to grab, so you can help them save valuable seconds of their time, and help me make sense of the world. Thank you.


Chris O said...

I don't have issues with tissues (oh I'm a poet!)at least not facial tissues but what gets me is those industrial size rolls of toilet paper in a public restroom. When the roll is new and you have to try and find the start? I swear I need to find the glue they use to stick down that first sheet. I have spent way too much time, bent over with my hand at an ackward angle, trying to get that first sheet started. Finally resorting to tearing into the roll and coming away with bits of fluff that while doing the job, they will traces later that scare the crap (figuratively) by looking like maggots in your panties later.

Anyway, that's my issue with (toilet) tissue

JoJO a. said...

I've had my share of issues with tissues (ha! the poetry continues). It particularly sucks when your hands all are sticky and gooey from crafting and you have to reach to the bottom of the paper box. Inevitably, you dirty all the other tissues and the person after you hates your guts.
What a vicious circle.

gaf85 said...

M. Going with the theme here... My issues with tissues involves the inexpensive brand that is scratchy and if you have a cold you end up with a red nose from all the wiping. Achoo!

ash said...

Lol @ "cervix of a seal." Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.

Ursley Devar said...

yeah... i'm really hate that situation!

Michael said...

Chris O: I never understood that either. It's so perfectly sealed down and I never know how to start using it properly.

JoJO a.: Tissue is annoying when your fingers are wet/sticky.

gaf85: Oh, I hate that brand. Kitchen tissue... I avoid using that on my nose, it hurts.

ash: The slot does remind me of a cervix, not that I've uh, seen a cervix before. Ahem.

Ursley Devar: It's what this blog is all about.

wintkat said...

I have felt your pain way too often too
can you talk to my husband?
can't wait to show him your post, he thinks I'm crazy and alone in this tissue issue you have brought out into the open

along the same vein
don't buy a box of tissues that has more than 180 in it because as the last few tissues remain the height of the box is too high to enable a tissue to stay in the slot

gotta get a tissue now...

Michael said...

Oh no! Will he think I'm crazy too?

But yes, this issue doesn't get brought out too often. It's too small to create a significant fuss, but hey, hey, hey, IT'S A PROBLEM. And I totally hear ya on that box height thing. ;)

missykimmy said...

Hahaha, love the post. I will miss this blog!