Thursday, November 27, 2008

31 - Piss on the toilet seat

I live with my grandparents and my grandfather can't quite aim into the bowl. Being the only other male suspect living here, my family sometimes think that I'm the one that can't aim (the fact that my grandfather, in dismay, denies it doesn't help my case), which is why I wipe the seat with toilet paper for the sake of this family's wellbeing. I'm not upset with my grandfather, I don't feel anything towards today's topic. The sight of it is just upsetting, don't you think?

...If I'm being honest here, I don't know what else to say. It's a surprisingly sensitive subject. I mean, it's urine. On your toilet seat. Need I say more?

Guys, if you accidentally let a few drops land on the seat, wipe it up. Okay?


The Jules said...

Don't worry. Wee is pretty sterile, so not particularly harmful. In fact, if fancy a glass of aqua vitae . . .

Anyway Micheal, I've nominated you for a few questions in this here meme if you've got 5 minutes. One word answers mind:

Robot Nine said...

There will be pee on the toilet seat. There always has been, always will be. WOmen constantly want men to put the seat up, or down, I can't remember. They claim that when it's left up they "fall into" the toilet at night. So I said I will leave it down, but there may be pee on it. They said put it up and then back down. I said in the interest of equality each person should assume personal responsibility for the toilet seat themselves. I am very popular with these toilet seat confused females.

Madame DeFarge said...

At work, we have a problem in the women's toilets, with someone missing the bowl. For women, this is baffling. And every so slightly icky. I'd rather have your grandfather. Can we swap?

J.J. in L.A. said...

I agree with the heck does a WOMAN miss???

I grew up with 5 brothers and I just made them clean the mess up.

Michael said...

The Jules,

To call it aqua vitae is frightening, but I'll roll with it.

I'll be sure to fill in that one word meme soon. Thanks! I find that they're a lot of fun.


Michael said...


I think women want men to put it up when they urinate standing up. I don't really understand the argument you've mentioned. They 'fall into' the toilet at night? Does anybody else understand and can someone explain it to me? I'm slow.


Michael said...

Madame DeFarge,

That's insane! And to have it happen at work... that's classic blogging material! Hahaha.

A woman missing the bowl... Wow, that really allows your imagination to wander free, doesn't it...



Michael said...


LOL. Thank you for the short, simple comment. That's the way to get those darn boys to do as you wish.


Anonymous said...

Michael, It is an age old argument, one that will never be successfully resolved. I work on the basis, I do it, I clean it.

But yes, women (girls actually) can miss - I have walked into the bathroom with Ellen at 8 experimenting to be like her brothers, she missed, spectacularly.

I helped her clean up the (p)isses. She gave me a kiss and said she was so glad I never get cross, pranced outside to play as though it was an everyday occurance.


Chiara said...

Madame- some women squat or hover. *sigh* But it baffles me too.

I doubt they really believe its you.

Anonymous said...

one of the most disgusting habits anyone could ever pick up. it's especially disturbing when you walk into a public restroom and find that there is pee all over the toilet seat from a stranger with who knows what kind of diseases. what gets me even more is that it's actually happened in a womens' restroom. I don't quite understand that considering that a normal woman sits down when using the toilet. I guess I shouldn't ask questions there. hahah.

Michael said...


Wow. Calling it an age-old problem makes it sound so deep and meaningful. LOL.


Michael said...


Thanks for, in a sense, believing in me.

They hover? Huh?


Michael said...

Oh, my God, Jessica!

Public restrooms are the worst. Men's bathrooms always have graffiti on the walls and on the door, toilet paper, wet and dry, inside the bowl, and on the floor, and hanging from the bowl... Yeuck.

And yes, some questions are better left unanswered.